everyday that goes by, it seems like i discover something new about you. it is incredible to me how one person can and has made such a difference in my life.
i may not have the smallest waist, or the prettiest face, but i do have a big heart. if you don't like me the way i am, that is okay, because i know someone that does.
it is funny how even after all this time, i get butterflies when he grabs my hand.
you know you are a lucky girl when your best friend, secret keeper, memory makes, and everything else is your boyfriend. i am a lucky girl.
loved by the best, hated by the rest
some people need shiny cars, big houses and lots of money to be happy, but all i need is you and my kids.
men can multitask! they can scratch their balls, hog the remote, and talk shit all at the same time.
do you ever get the urge to cut peoples break lines, or is that just me?
you don't have bigger balls than me, mine are just in my chest
is facebook "poking" a form or cyber foreplay?
there are some people in this world that just give my middle finger a boner.
**breaking news** all kids with names starting with letters a-z have been recalled by all local hospitals because they forgot to install the mute and stop buttons.
roses are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick in.
dear obama. please remove your hands from my pockets, as i can stimulate myself. thank you.
what does a prostitute and bungee jumping have in common? the cost the same, last about as long, and if the rubber breaks, you are screwed.
someone should light the fuse on your tampon!
husband and wife are watching tv. husband says to wife, i can't decide between golf and porn. wife says to husband, watch porn, you already know how to golf.
when you become immobilized by what anybody else thinks of you, what you are saying is "your opinion of me is more important than my opinion of myself"
claiming to love someone does not mean shutting them out when the going gets tough...it means letting them in to lighten the load.
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